Are You Woke Enough?

“I’m old, I’m white, I’m woke. In fact, I just got up from my nap. COME ON MAN! If that isn’t woke, I don’t know what is!”

                Seriously. Are you? Bigot.

                Being “woke,” for those who do not know (I was blissfully ignorant of its present meaning for most of my life) was used to describe  literally not falling asleep or as slang for one’s suspicions of being cheated on by a romantic partner.  Surprisingly (once again, to me), it morphed into being used solely in the former sense.  Although, instead of describing narcoleptic misadventures, we were urged to be “woke” to social and racial injustice, especially in the wake of the Michael “Gentle Giant” Brown fiasco.

                It’s much more detailed than that, although not by a whole lot.  I won’t bore you with the excruciatingly long transformation to its present-day idiocy, though.  You’re welcome. 

                Let’s just put it this way.  If someone is sincerely urging you to be “woke,” they are a moron.

                Sadly, for far too many people, “wokeness” has supplanted common sense, logic, and critical thinking in our society.

                The Woke:

                1.  We must all wear masks (nay, two) so that we can get control of the Chinese Virus!

                Common Sense:

                A virus is going to do what a virus is going to do.  What is the end game?  Two weeks?  Two months?  Two years?  Forever?  Hand washing, keeping your distance where possible, not licking doorknobs are all prudent measures all of the time.  And, yes, being locked forever in a hermetically sealed plastic bubble will guarantee you won’t get COVID.  But, I’m sorry, if you are too scared to drive by yourself without wearing a mask, someone must be tying your shoes for you.  Still, if that’s how you roll, knock yourself out.  Just don’t expect me to join you in your mental illness.

                2.  Some people have contracted the Chinese Flu even though they’ve been vaccinated!

                Logic:

                Yes, that is troubling somewhat, but have any of the vaccines been touted as 100% effective against the virus?  No.  So, logically, a percentage will become affected.

                3.  The Idiot-in-Chief claims his mask fetish is not about politics.

                Critical Thinking:

                American citizens may need proof of vaccination before they can go to the ballgame.  But, hey, if you come crashing across the Southern border, who cares if you have the Wuhan Flu?  Not about politics?  Please.

                4.  A crushing tax burden will only stimulate the economy.

                Common Sense:

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                5.  Vladimir Putin is a “killer” and we must  ship Ukraine millions of dollars of military equipment!

                Logic:

                Russia will see the United States as an adversary again. Yay, good ole Cold War days!

                6.  The Department of Defense will fund gender reassignment surgery!
                Critical Thinking:

                Rendering personnel undeployable for who knows how long will enhance the military’s primary mission of killing people and destroying things how?

                7.  Solar and wind energy will power the future!

                Common Sense:

                Solar and wind have a place, but fossil fuels are critical to our society and infrastructure.  Unless I imagined the Texas electrical grid shitting the bed.

                8.  We must actively rejoin the Paris Climate Accords!

                Logic:

                Despite being one of the biggest emitters of greenhouse gases, China will not be bound by this agreement for a decade.  Meanwhile, the United States, even though it has substantially cut back on its own emissions, will happily trash its economy.

                9.  Our reliance on fossil fuels is a threat to the globe!  Everyone must do their part!

                Critical Thinking:

                John Kerry took a private jet to Iceland to receive an environmental award.

                10.  The sins of the son have nothing to do with the father!

                Common Sense:

                Okay, in this instance I agree.  I would never want to be held to account for the actions of my father.  I also didn’t think it was fair that more than a few people were condemning Ted Cruz because his dad allegedly had something to do with Kennedy’s assassination.  Now, if Hunter Biden’s monkeyshines have something to do with Grampa Joe…

                11.  Mr. Potato Head is a symbol of toxic masculinity!

                Critical Thinking:

                Mr. Potato Head never had a penis.  Caitlyn Jenner, on the other hand…

                12.  Demanding people show identification before they can vote is racist!

                Common Sense:

                Showing identification before you can receive the COVID vaccination is not.

                13.  Georgia’s Voting Law is racist!
                Logic:

                So, in a textbook example of the bigotry of low expectations, minorities are unable or too stupid to obtain identification.

                14.  Only people who make over $400,000 will see a tax increase!

                Critical Thinking:

                What happens when the cost of business increases?  The increased cost will be passed on to consumers.

                15.  Major League Baseball’s All-Star Game must be moved from Georgia because Georgia requires ID to vote!

                Common Sense:

                Let’s move it to Colorado.  Which requires ID to vote.

                16.  The entire state of Georgia must be boycotted!

                Logic:

                So, CNN will move from Atlanta?

                17.  ORANGE MAN BAD!

                Critical Thinking:

                Elect/select a demented muppet who will raise taxes, kill jobs, and exacerbate racial tensions.  Because UNITY!  The Woke are incapable of recognizing that their guy may not be the right answer either.

                18.  Black Lives Matter!

                Common Sense:

                Of course they do.  As do Hispanic lives, Asian lives, Indian lives, and White lives.

                19.  I got a $1,400 stimulus check because DEMOCRATS CARE!

                Logic:

                Taxpayer-funded, so everyone giddily pissing themselves are receiving their own money.  Plus, how much of the latest stimulus act actually went to COVID relief?  Bread and circuses, my friends, bread and circuses.

                20.  Lockdowns work! 

                Critical Thinking:

                What are the statewide infections/hospitalizations/deaths rates of New York/California compared to Florida/Texas?

                I could go on and on.  When the Babylon Bee looks like a reputable news site compared to the New York Times, you know you’re in trouble.  Examples of woke foolishness are legion; the most difficult job is to decide which one to tackle.

Unfortunately, I will never be lacking for material.

                Notice I mentioned nothing about Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.

                But, I could have.  

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