Opinions Are Like…

  

  Oh, forget it, you know what they’re like.  What’s more, everyone has them.  And they stink.

                I leave in the morning on a cross-country trip which will end in Seattle by the end of next week.  I’ve been wanting to drive across the country for quite some time and am looking forward to finally getting a chance to do so.  Not only will I get a chance to see Mount Rushmore, the Mars Cheese Castle, and possibly the world’s biggest ball of yarn, but I’m also eager to see what the non-crazy parts of the nation (with the exception of Seattle, of course) look like .

                What this all means is that I will be virtually off-line for the next week.  So, for the two of you who count on Nit Nats to get you through a difficult day, I regret to inform you this will be the last such burst of inspired greatness until September.  I also paused work on my book, as well-do either of you know I’m writing a book?

                Never fear, though.  I’ll keep a running tally of my doings and whereabouts of where I’m…uh…about on platforms such as Instagram.  So, if that kinda stuff matters to you, you need to get a life you have that going for you.

                Which is nice.

                Since I still need to finish packing for my adventure, I won’t have the time to cobble together a coherent essay on the multitude of issues which afflict our world.  Goodness knows I have a seemingly limitless choice of topics upon which to pontificate, though.

                A joke I read recently puts it perfectly:
                A friend asked me if I had any plans for the fall.
                It took me a minute before I realized he meant autumn.

                Anyway, the following are quick hits of my opinions about that which plague us.  I figured I’d get them in while I had the chance.  And a country.  They could very easily herald the apocalypse, you know. 

                So, in no certain order…

                Apparently, sheep will be allowed to queue up for a Chinese Flu booster shot starting next month.  Hey, fool me once, shame on you.  Try to fool me twice, you can sit on that needle and spin.

                Weak minds thoroughly incapable of logic are running about in a panic due to the resurgence of COVID under the guise of the Delta Variant.  This all while the southern border is wide open and thousands of illegals flood into the country, more than a few of whom are infected with the virus.

                This tells me the administration isn’t serious about dealing with the pandemic.  Tell you what, I’ll make you a deal.  Treat American citizens like you treat illegal immigrants (or vice-versa).  Then we’ll talk.  Until then, eat your masks.

                The Idiot-in-Chief begs OPEC to pump more oil.  I’m old enough to remember when the United States was energy independent.  Last year.

                Voter ID is racist.  Vaccine mandates are not.

                In a similar vein, “My body, my choice” only applies to murdering babies, I guess.  Not when it comes to being forced to inject a yet-to-be-approved vaccine into your body.

                Speaking of vaccine mandates….New York City is requiring them before you can go to a restaurant, gym, or theater.  But, a large percentage of black New Yorkers have not received the jab.  So, Mayor De Blasio is denying these folks access to these establishments.  Will the real Jim Crow stand up?

                Panicked monkey see, panicked monkey do.  Spurred on by unreasonable hysteria, school districts throughout the nation are throwing face diapers on schoolchildren.  Never mind the Johns Hopkins study of 48,000 children which saw ZERO deaths due to the Chinese Flu for those without comorbidities.

                Or that private schools nationwide, which didn’t force kids to put on masks, didn’t experience a significant number of COVID cases.

                Private school kids must be made of sterner stuff. I blame the nuns.

                In response to the Delta Variant, the Mask Police, listening to that insufferable gnome Fauci, are once more beating the drum to swathe ourselves in masks.  Apparently, THAT will teach mean old COVID.

“I thought Delta was on double secret probation.”

                Excuse me, weren’t large parts of the country wearing these ridiculous things for most of last year?  Didn’t the virus continue to escalate during that whole time?

                What’s  more, aren’t lunatic asylums like Hawaii and Oregon experiencing crazy COVID case numbers?  Haven’t states like these lead the charge for face coverings ever since this nonsense started?

                Huh, weird.

                I categorically do not deny the existence of the Wuhan Flu.  I categorically deny the idiotic efficacy of cloth masks and lockdowns.

                The unemployment rate dropped again last month.  Huzzah!  That must mean the Administration’s jobs policy is right on the money!!

                Or more people aren’t filing for unemployment since they’re sitting on their fat asses while collecting government checks.

                Everything costs more.  That wouldn’t have anything to do with the feds printing money like it was going out of style, would it?  To those eschewing actual work while feeding at the trough, congratulations.  I hope you’ll enjoy hundred-dollar loaves of bread.

                I have a real problem with organizations such as Tunnels To Towers holding their hands out to help American heroes while Uncle Sam funnels millions of dollars to Pakistan for gender studies.

                As stated here before, I was all for pulling our troops out of Afghanistan.  I saw nothing there worth a single American life or billions of our treasure.  We’ve got our own shitholes to worry about (I’m talking to you, New York City).  In this, Donald Trump and I are of the same mind.

                That said, the demented muppet in the White House could not have botched this withdrawal any more badly.  First, he stated when the United States would be saying sayonara to the graveyard of empires.  Seriously, what kind of abject moron sends that kind of signal to our enemies?  Oh, I forgot, the moron who lives on Pennsylvania Avenue.

                Second, call me crazy, but isn’t it…crazy…to leave millions of dollars of military equipment behind?  Or, at least not destroy it?

“Whoa, wait, your shittin’ me. They left an Apache helicopter?”

                Third, since when is it standard military doctrine to pull the military out before civilians, be they contractors or Afghan nationals who helped the Americans?  Or have any kind of plan to help these people out besides, “Yeah, good luck with that?”  Seriously, what kind of moron…oh, yeah.  Got it.

                Joe Biden’s complete cocking up of a withdrawal which needed to happen may very well be the lasting legacy of a senile doofus who not only deserves to be impeached but deserves to be thrown out of office.  People will die because of this doddering old fossil.

“Wow, the guy makes me look like Winston Churchill. At least people didn’t die when I was preside…oh. Never mind.”

                Of the presidents who have been impeached throughout American history, he is the only one who merits this fate.  It’s a crime that past impeachments have been partisan kabuki theater shams.

                NOTE:  While Richard Nixon was not impeached, I’m confident he would have justly been had he not resigned.  The others?  Mere political hand jobs.

                Well, that’s it for for now.  Like I said, I still have a little packing to do.  And my skivvies aren’t going to jump in the suitcase themselves, you know.

                I’ll see you both again when I return.  I just hope there’s something left to return to.

                Thanks, Joe.

God bless you. What was the question?”

 

Nit Nat History of the World Part II

Dawn of the Age of Dinosaurs

Brought to You By the Republican Party

            In our last installment, life (well, animal life.  Please forgive my raging Floraphobia), began to emerge from the sea onto the primordial ooze (I love that phrase.  Reminds me of a girl I knew in high school) in the Cambrian Epoch (Era…whatever).  Or was that from the primordial ooze onto the land?  Whatever.  I’m not sure.

“I don’t know animals.”
“Eff. Well, there goes the neighborhood.”
“Oh shut up, Fern. You’re always whining about something. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“Okay, my bad.”

A face only a mother could love. If the mother was blind.

            Anyway, the first critter to sally forth upon terra firma (which probably wasn’t very firma) was a charming little rascal called Perdepes Finneyae (FULL DISCLOSURE:  If you think I actually knew that name and didn’t have to look it up, you give me much more credit than I deserve.  I’m mostly winging this, but occasionally I’ll need to look something up.  I think its modern cousin is the “Lungfish.”  Or Whoopi Goldberg).  Anyway, it could breathe air, as well as live and breath underwater.  I think we call them amphibians.  Or Aquaman.

NOTE: No Flintstones. I know what I said. Sue me.

       Life went on evolving for millions and millions of years (or roughly the lifespan of Keith Richards).  The Pre-Cambrian gave way to the Cambrian Epoch which eventually gave way to the Paleozoic when its lease ran out. 
            The Pre-Cambrian was noted for swamp muck and not much of anything else except for some life in the oceans, like starfish, algae, and the boring trilobites.

“Hey! Who you calling ‘boring’? A-Hole. I’d bite your ankle, but I’m not sure I have a mouth.”

            Next up was the Paleozoic Era (fewer letters to type than ‘epoch’ so I’m going with ‘era.’).

            It didn’t last all that long.  Relatively.  But, it was marked by a rush of life moving from the oceans onto the land.  Starting with the aforementioned goofy lungfish milling about the ferns, we begin to see (well, not ‘we,’ exactly.  Maybe Betty White, though.  She’s pretty old) more advanced forms of life culminating in a dinosaur looking thing with one hell of a back grill.

“So, whaddya think? Pretty bad ass. huh? I’d so kick a T-Rex’s ass. Lucky for them they won’t be around for a million years or so.”

    It was during this time that the major land masses of the Earth, moving around on their tectonic plates, collided together to form a Super-Continent known as “Pangea.”  Many people in the past doubted this actually happened, but archeologists digging in what would eventually become Mara Lago, discovered fossils wearing MPGA ballcaps.

“MAKE PANGEA GREAT AGAIN!!!!”

            Anyway, it was all for naught (or is that ‘nought’?)

“I don’t know spelling.”

when the Earth suffered its first mass extinction at the end-naturally-of the Permian Period (which was actually kind of fortunate, because the dimetrodons could then avoid going to Math during Third Period).

            No one knows what caused this extinction (a comet, plastic straws, gender dysphoria, or volcanic instability), but what became known as the “Permian Extinction” wiped out over half the life on the land and nearly everything in the oceans.

            They probably should have worn masks.
           

Bet it sucked, though.

            Especially, for the tough-guy dinosaurs who never got a chance to rumble with the Tyrannosaurus and Velociraptor.

Next time…the Mesozoic and Cenozoic.  Starring cool dinosaurs.

“HEYYYYYY!!! What the fu…is that a Perdepes Fin…uh, lungfish?”