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“The CDC, after discussions with Dr. Fauci, has recommended new mitigation efforts against Coronavirus variants. Just doing my part, ya know.”

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CNN is reporting that a guy said he was told by a guy who’s married to a guy whose sister-in-law’s cousin works the night shift at a Waffle House close by Andrews AFB claims that she saw Donald Trump, disguised as a Guatemalan grandmother, placing banana peels on the steps of Air Force One late Thursday night.

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“Well, that’s not fair. Not fair at all. Why the hell is Caitlyn Jenner allowed to have a gender when I can’t? And I’ve never had a penis!”

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“Hey, you know, maybe we should have something about six year olds not being allowed to chop their penises off.”
“Oh, come ON, Ben! Look, I know you’re from Pennsylvania, but nobody could possibly be that crazy.”

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To assist drivers having difficulty locating their vehicles in crowded parking lots, General Motors announces that the “Happy Asian Pop Up Device” will be standard equipment on all 2022 GM Sedans.