To assist drivers having difficulty locating their vehicles in crowded parking lots, General Motors announces that the “Happy Asian Pop Up Device” will be standard equipment on all 2022 GM Sedans.
Punxsutawney Joe sees his shadow and realizes he only has six weeks left in his presidency.
In related news, Kamala Harris seen measuring drapes in the Oval Office.
After reading about a Chinese initiative, Governor Newsome of California directs a drive-thru option for anal COVID testing.
Well, that seems harsh.
It’s good to set goals.
“This clearly is an unfair decision by the executives at Wawa. I would think that a company that uses a duck, goose, or whatever that thing is would seriously consider the repercussions of denying any citizen, one of the finest to be sure, such a basic human right. Frankly, every American, except Sleepy Joe, is entitled to quality food at reasonable prices. And, ohhhhh, those pretzels! Okay, they can sometimes be soggy, but, to be honest, they are some of the finest snack foods around. Magnificent. No McDonalds french fries, but still. Therefore, Melania and I will be taking our business to 7-Eleven. Even if their coffee sucks.”
“So then, the infidel says, that’s not my wife. It’s a goat. Hey, you all have been great. Whaddya say we get on with the stoning?”